Pick Your Fruits CAREFULLY! & other jokes
by Mayoyo
Summary: I'm back !! *huggles everyone* With a new joke !! Hopefully it pleases this time around too ! ^^ Barely nonexistant synopsis: Gojyo's in trouble again.... figures.....
1. Pick your Fruits CAREFULLY!

A/N: I made this story out of a joke my friend sent me through email. I think most of you might have received too, if you have please don't flame me for I do not claim anything to the storyline (though of course its been arranged by me). If you haven't, please enjoy it, for it is funny ^_^ My friends were in stitches for the longest time after reading my version of the joke! Do **review,** ne?

Disclaimer: Its the normal drill.

**Pick your Fruits _Carefully_**

The by-now-very-famous green Jeep rumbled through a dark rainforest, its passengers grumbling as usual.

"Sanzo! _Totemo hara-hetta yo_!! _[I'm so hungry!]_" Goku whined pleadingly.

Gojou looked at him, with one eyebrow raised. "Are you really? Well, I have no choice: eat this then." He shoved a white packet under Goku's nose.

Goku's eyes turned huge. "Waah! Gojou, _yasashii hajimete ze! (You're kind for once!) _Sankyuu! Itadakimasu!" His teeth clamped down on the packet hungrily and he chewed. "_Pllack! Nani ka kore?!" _He spat out the piece he had bitten.

"Cigarette butts in recyclable plastic. The author's insane in her "Save the Greens" plight. What did you think it was, _baka SARU_??"

"_Saru, saru, yonde-nai zo! Ore saru ja nai!" [stop calling me monkey! I'm not a monkey!]_

"_Nan de? Ah, baka, baka chibi ka? Kono yaroo!!_" _[What? Ah, small idiot is it? Bastard!]_

"_Baka nani ka, kono ero-kappa!" [What idiot, you stupid water-monster!]_

_"Da to???!" [What did you say?!]_

_"Baka __ero-kappa!" {Stupid water monster!]_

_"Omae ra kenka iru na??" [Are you picking a fight with me??]_

"_Uruse!!" _*and the paper fan happily goes whack-whack-whack!*

Sanzo folded his arms, staring ahead stonily. "Lets just get out of here."

Hakuryuu gave out a small "kyuuu!" 

Goku perked up immediately. "What did he say, Hakkai?"

Hakkai rubbed his head apologetically. "_Ano... minna-san.... _I think we are lost."

Silence. Crickets chirp.

"What did you say?!" Sanzo burst out, his head three times bigger than it was.

Suddenly the trees and bushes around them rustled. The four of them perked up, staring around suspiciously.

"_Kuru zo!" [It's coming!]_" Sanzo said.

The trees and bushes parted. About ten thousand strange little black men dressed in war paint and no taller than 3 feet jumped out uttering strange cries and immediately surrounded the Jeep. And they kept coming. Soon the whole forest was full of strange cries.

"_Sanzo! Ano hito-tachi wa, nani ga?" [What are these creatures?!]_

"How would I know!"

"*gasp* They're not dressed! And their _willies_ are sticking out!"

"[sweatdrop] I don't think they adopted our custom of covering up...."

Overpowered, Sanzo-ikkou had to resort to let the strange little black men tie them upside down to long branches and being carried to the heart of the forest like pigs that were about to be roasted.

The little men dropped them down rather unceremoniously as they knelt down to the floor, their foreheads touching the ground.

"[whisper] What is this, Hakkai?" Gojou whispered.

"_Saa...." [I don't know...]_

"Sanzo? What are they going to do to us? I feel so hungry, I don't want to die on an empty stomach..."

"Urusai!"

They looked up at a strange little stage made out of branches. A little man, looking like all the other little men sat up on the stage. The only difference was that he wore a long head-dress.

_He must be the head, _Sanzo thought.

The little head man began gesturing frantically at them. "_Fulefute fueafut futhefum!"_

"HAH?!" Sanzo-ikkou sweatdropped. 

About a thousand little black men rushed out and the branches to which Sanzo-ikkou were tied on were lifted up three feet from the ground.

A small, very old, bent man stepped out. He began to speak in halting Japanese....er... English... no Japanese.... er no.... forget it, INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE.

"Th' head is saying 'e wants yo' heads," The old man grinned, showing toothless gums.

"_K'so! Hanare! Nani ka omae ra! [F*ck! Let me go! What are you guys!]_

"We is th' _Fu'Fu' clan. _We is liking human's meat." The old man grinned again, this time his foul breath filled the air with a yucky greenish tint and equally yucky smell.

"C'hh.. You think we are so easily eaten?" Gojou sniffed, struggling at the ropes. "Let us go, you half baked brains!"

Suddenly he felt the ropes around him go slack. "Uh-oh." He crashed to the ground.

Goku immediately got up, shouting for an explanation.

"_Fuiffu futhefuy fuwafunt fugfuo fufrfufee, fumufusfut fufifufruifut!" _The headman announced sternly, staring with an evil eye.

The old little man coughed. "Right's. Th' head, he is saying he is wanting you four's to go find 's 10 fruits of th' same kind each in th' forest, and brings them backs here. If you cans do that and cans pass another easier trials later on, you is can go free."

Gojou immediately shot up, striking cool-boy pose. "Easy! Can we go now?"

He got up to rush off. Immediately one thousand little men surrounded him, pointing evil sharp spears. He held up his hands in surrender. "Right. On what condition?"

"Each of us thousand men will follows you. Now go, you is having only 3 minutes."

Sanzo ikkou, each accompanied by a thousand men, disappeared into the forest.

Gojou (as expected) came back first. He dropped his pile of fruits to the ground, as one thousand spears forced him to kneel down in front of the little head.

Gojou's choice of fruits: Mangoes.

Why : Because mangoes are so curvaceous... reminds me of babes... *licks lips*

"_Fufufufu! Fustifucfuk fuifun fubufutt!" _The headman roared. Around him, the endless little men echoed his laughter.

The old man stopped his laughing long enough to say, " Th's second trial 's to STICK th's fruits up your butt. If all 10 is go in with no expression on yo's face, you is free!"

"_Fuzukeru na!" [You're joking!]_ Gojou's jaws dropped ten feet to the ground. 

The little men swarmed over him and held him down. It took another hundred more to do the er... task ^_^.

1...2....3....4.....

"Argh!"

Poor Gojou was roasted over the fire and swarmed all over by little black men.

Next came Hakkai.

His choice of fruits: Bananas.

Why: Ooh, the banana bunches looked so JUICY, and HUGE, and LONG. I thought there would be enough for at least two thousand men. ^_^ _Ano_... we are gathering fruits for the little black men right.... ^_^;;;;

And here we go..... ^_^

1...2....3....4....5.....6.... _(wow!)_

"_Yamete kudasai!" [Please stop!]_

Poor Hakkai was chopped and thrown into a cauldron of burning oil and bread crumbs.

Next came Sanzo, who was grumbling and threatening to shoot the little black men. (which he had already done before he ran out of ammo)

His choice of fruits: Little strawberries.

Why: Alternative Ammo, _baka._

^_^

1.....2.....3......4......5......6.....7......8......9.......

Sanzo, who had been holding in his laughter since the 7th strawberry couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out into very unSanzo-like maniacal laughter.

Poor Sanzo was eaten raw by the little black men.

Up in heaven, near the Gates which they had just entered through, Gojou and Hakkai sighed. "I can't believe we had to die."

The Gates started closing.

Suddenly Sanzo appeared behind them, with a very _scary _expression. "Don't forget me."

Gojou turned and looked at the monk in surprise. "I thought you had gone free! Trust the monk to choose strawberries....."

Hakkai smiled. "No, I heard you nearly made it, to the 9th berry. What happened?"

Hearing that, Sanzo, with a very straight face told them.

"I saw Goku coming with extra large pineapples."

* * *

_babyg: If you aren't offended and (even!) want me to do more parodies of these jokes, you can tell me so in reviews! ^____^_


	2. Sanzo in Mexico

**A/N: **I'm glad so many people liked that one! ^__^ Thank you to everyone who liked the fic and reviewed so that I know you guys liked it too ^__^ Makes me want to share more revised fics with you guys ^__^

So, here babyg presents another joke/fic for Sanzo-ikkou! But first the disclaimers and warnings. I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy, ne?

**Disclaimer:** Saiyuki and its characters does not belong to me. The original ideas for these fics belongs to their respective owners.

**Warning: **Erm... (thinks) Just setting this up first! ^__^ I've got quite a lot of jokes in mind, some of which *maybe* a little YAOI, but not in this chapter luckily! And... don't know if I can keep up the 'humor' of the first chap, so do tell me how this went okay? ^_^

**Sanzo in Mexico**

One day, Sanzo decided to take a breather and asked Hakkai to stop the Jeep when they reached the nearest town. 

"Find an inn. I'm going to get my cigarettes."

"_Nee, Sanzo!! Ore mo iku iku! (Hey, Sanzo! I want to come too!)"_

The paper fan went, Whhack!

Goku rubbed his head yelling in protest. "_Itai yo! Nani shiteru nda yo! (Ouch! What was that for!)_

"I felt like it." Sanzo walked off.

After a few hours of walking around and failing to find a shop which sold _his_ brand of cigarettes, he decided to turn back. However, the town was really huge and in no time at all he got lost and tired and grumpy.

Finally, he stopped in front of a donkey rental place. 

''Give me a donkey." He said to the guy, holding out his Three Buddhas creddit card.

The guy eagerly swiped it through a credit card machine and said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them _asses_. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to _ scratch him_ when you want to make him stop."

Sanzo rides his ass for a while, and got grumpier and grumpier. He reached a hotdog stall and thought, "I'll get myself a hotdog and eat it in front of Goku later." He orders one.

The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call them _sausages_."  
  
Suddenly Goku, Gojou and Hakkai pops in front of him. 

"_Waah Sanzo! _You got the hotdog for me? Sankyuu!" He reached out for the hotdog, but Sanzo pulled it out of his reach and wanted to eat it until he noticed his donkey starting to wander away.

Feeling very very very grumpy and crappy by now, Sanzo handed the hotdog to Hakkai.

"Hold my sausage while I go scratch my ass." 

He couldn't understand it when Gojou fainted.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_babyg: Hope you got the joke! ^___^ I just found out that Sanzo's birthday is on Nov 29th (Is that really true?), so the next update will be on that day! Yup there is another update! Don't get tired of me (whines)!! The jokes will be in conjunction with his birthday (Sanzo! *swoons*) so don't miss it, ne? Don't forget to **review** though!_


	3. Not Ready for Technology!

**Disclaimer:** Saiyuki and its characters does not belong to me. The original ideas for these fics belongs to their respective owners.

_~A laugh a day   
keeps you from rotting away! ~ a babyg original_

**Not Ready for Technology!**

It was Sanzo-sama's birthday. Hakkai, Gojou, and Goku (eating as usual ^^) was busy thinking what to get for Sanzo.

"How about a haircut? It's time he started looking like a real monk!" Gojou offered.

"Maa... I think we should get more sake. To celebrate, you know." Hakkai smiled.

"Ch'. He wouldn't appreciate it. Hoi, saru, think of something will you!" Gojou cuffed Goku.

Goku pouted. "Sanzo would like.... food ! Yeah, lets have a BIIIG party with LOTSSS of fooood for him!"

Gojou clobbered Goku. "We're talking about Sanzo, not you bakasaru! You're the only one who actually wants food for his birthday!"

"No I'm not! I'm sure Sanzo would like it, unlike you, ero-kappa!"

"Nan da to?!"

"Maaaa...." Hakkai sweat dropped. "I didn't think it would be this hard to think of presents...."

"Especially for him, ne?" 

Hakkai whipped around and saw Kanzeon Bousatsu smiling. 

"I've got the perfect birthday present!"

She snapped her fingers and a Compaq TC1000 Tablet PC popped out of nowhere, complete with connecting wires.

Hakkai, Gojou and Goku went O_O

**Goku:** Waahhh It looks so delicious!

He attempts to chew off the wires. And was subsequently electrocuted.

Hakkai and Gojou went O___O

**Kanzeon:** Don't do that anymore. Just tell Sanzo that you got his present, and let me do the rest.

Kanzeon disappears with a very evil 'ka ka ka' !

Hakkai looks at Gojou. Gojou looks at Hakkai.

"Should we trust her?"

Goku sniffed, his face blackened and his hair standing on end. "It wasn't nice to eat at all. It attacked me!"

Gojou grinned.

"We should give it to him."

Sanzo came in to the room at that time, demanding what was the fuss all about. Hakkai and Gojou told him that they had gotten his present ready and dragged Goku out of the room with them.

Gojou, Hakkai and Goku were treating themselves to food and sake at the inn's table while waiting for Sanzo.

They heard stomping on the stairs, and an irritated Sanzo appeared. To their surprise, he went out to the inn's mailbox, opened it and returned back up to his room, empty handed.

About five minutes later, they heard stomping on the stairs again. A very grumpy Sanzo appeared, went to the mailbox, opened it and returned back empty handed, cursing all the way.

Gojou, Hakkai and Goku went O_o

Five minutes later, a ready-to-kill Sanzo reappeared, repeating what he did before. 

Goku, unable to contain his curiosity, decided to ask him.

"Why do you keep checking the mailbox every 5 minutes?"

"Because," Sanzo replied. "The fucking computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

~*~

_babyg: Happy *belated* birthday! ^_^ Sorry I couldn't post this up earlier ;_; I can't believe there has been so much response to this! Here are a few 'quotes' from reviewers that really got me cracking up!_

_For the Pick Your Fruits Carefully! joke_

**Vampire no Hime: **did goku survive?  
**babyg:** Heheheheheheheeheeeeeeeee!!!!! *coughs*What do you think? 

**blinkie: **lol so Goku is DEFINITELY going to heaven!!  
**babyg:** ^__^;;;;

** mutt: **at least none of them chose durian!**  
Blaqueluna****: **other fruits might have been worse like durians and jackfruits...   
**babyg:** Durians was in my original version when I sent the joke to my friends! But I thought some people mightn't know what are durians, so I better go international - pineapples; so as not to spoil the joke! ^___^ Oh god..... I have an image of Goku carrying 10 durians now..... *dies from too much laughing*

_And to the rest that were not mentioned, I love you all !! If ever you have questions/quotes like those, I'll be sure to put them up! ^___^ And, okay, so this one is really innocent ^_^;;; So to make up for it, I have a nice surprise next update! ^__^ _


	4. Desert Dessert

_Here's the surprise! ^_^ Double jokes!_

**Desert Dessert !**

Sanzo-ikkou were trekking on foot through the desert plains, each looking very disgruntled.

"Hakkai.... why do we have to _walk?_" Gojou grumbled.

Hakkai petted Hakuryuu, who was sitting on his shoulder. "Because Hakuryuu's tired.... he has feelings too, ne?"

Goku pouted. He shook his fist at Hakuryuu. "Stupid ! Can't you change into something else then?!"

Hakkai sweat dropped.

"He doesn't seem to understand what's the meaning of 'tired'," Gojou whispered.

"_Nani_?!_(What?!) _I heard you, _baka ero kappa! (stupid horny water monster!)!!"_

To Sanzo's immense relief, they suddenly came upon a huge slide. Goku sniffed the air.

"Wow! Smells delicious!"

Goku and Gojou rush to climb the slide when they come across a suspicious-looking two little 'black' men who was all covered up like a mini Osama (erm ^^;;;).

The first little black man exclaimed, " _Fuitfus futhefum! Fulefuts futrifuck futhefum!"_

Sanzo-ikkou sweat dropped, feeling that these little black men looked familiar, but couldn't remember where. _ (AND WHY!)_

The second little black man told them, " You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a huge glass of that drink."

Sanzo wisely declined, thinking it was very suspicious. But the rest decided to give it a go.

Gojou went down the slide yelling, "Beeeeer!!"

Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.

Hakkai went down the slide second yelling, "Saaaaaa---keeee!!!" 

Plop! He landed in a glass of sake _(rice wine)._

Goku, so excited was he at Gojou and Hakkai's happy exclamations from the bottom of the slide that he momentarily forgot _something _and went down the slide yelling,

"Wheeeeeeweeeeeeee!!!"

Meanwhile, the two little black men succeeded in pulling Sanzo up the top of the slide. Sanzo, very furious by now, pointed his gun at one of the little black men.

"Do you want to die? Get me down right now."

The two little black men giggled to themselves, and with a 1, 2, 3 ! They pushed Sanzo to the edge of the slide.

Sanzo stumbles and falls backwards down the slide, yelling,

"SHITTTTT!" 

_babyg: ^_^; Happy birthday, Sanzo!_


	5. The Guessing Game

**Disclaimer: **Saiyuki does not belong to me.

**blinkie,** thanks for teaching me the cool ♥ trick! ^__^

**The Guessing Game**

One day, Goku waking up late, found _ something_ lying on Gojou's dresser. Very gingerly, he picked it up and deposited it into a little blue box that was also on Gojou's dresser.

He went down the stairs, and found Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojou busy eating. Momentarily forgetting, he flung the box down and began gobbling as fast he could, complaining," Why didn't you guys wait for me!!"

Gojou picked up the little blue box curiously. "What is this, _saru (monkey)_? And why does it look so familiar?"

Goku, stuffing more food into his mouth, asked him to guess what was inside.

"Meat buns? I'm sure it's meat buns." Gojou said.

"Nope."

"I know!" Hakkai exclaimed cheerfully. "It's a cake."

Goku shook his head No.

Sanzo sniffed from behind his newspaper. " _Rotten _meat buns."

Goku pouted. "You're mean, Sanzo."

Then, Gojou noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box.

He caught a few drops on his finger, put the finger into his mouth and tasted it. Licking his lips, Gojou answered happily, "I know! It's fresh sake ♥!!!"

"No," Goku replied. "It's a long, wet rubber thing I found on your dresser."

_~Hakkai pops out~_

_**Hakkai:** ^___^ Here's a question. Why did Gojou faint? *waves nikuman (meatbun)*_

_**babyg & Goku:** *shoves each other*Me ! Me, me! Let me answer!_

_**Sanzo:** *solemnly* He got a taste of his own medicine._

_**Hakkai:** ^__^ Ping-Pong ! _

_**Sanzo:** *eats nikuman*_

_**babyg: ***groan* Naaaa, Sanzo!!_

_**Goku:** *groan* Nikuman.... ;_;_

_**Sanzo: **If anyone can guess correctly what Goku stole from Gojou, I'll give you this. *holds out half-eaten nikuman to readers*_

_**babyg & Goku: ***waving arms madly* Me, me , me !!_

_**Sanzo: **Damare. I wasn't talking to you._

_**babyg: **Demoooo, Sanzoooo....._

_**Goku: **Demoooo, nikumannnn....._

_**Sanzo: **-_-+++ URUSEN DA YO! _

_*SMACK*_

_**babyg: **_(with bump on head) Minna-san! I'd appreciate it very much if everyone who reads this (and every future chapter) reviews! Its not that I'm harboring for more reviews (gasp!) but I want to know how many people are reading/following this, and if I should post up more chapters! Thanks to everyone else who reviewed/followed every single chap and made me so HAPPYYYYY, I love you guys !!!! 


	6. What a Blow!

_Disclaimer: _Saiyuki does not belong to me and neither does the original ideas ^^

_AN: _Minna-san ! Genki da ne?! I'm so sorry to have 'disappeared' for so long, was in the dumps for a while *cough*homework*cough* ^^;; Thanks to all the encouraging reviews and lovely e-mails (you know who you are! *huggles* !), I've managed to revise up another joke ! ^^ Do enjoy and thank you for your lovely mails and concern *huggles again* ! 

_Forewarning?: _[Younger readers: The past joke may have been a little borderline ^^;;; I'm very sorry, I'll 'try' not to go overboard ^^;; Please do not get offended in any way ! ^_^]

**What a Blow!**

Sanzo, Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo sat around the table doing what they usually did: read newspaper, drink tea, fight for food (applies respectively ^_~). Gojyo leaned back against his chair and stared at the three of them discontentedly.

"Everyday, having the same routine of jeep, town, eat, sleep, jeep, town, eat sleep. Mou, I can't stand the sheer boringness of it !!!" Gojyo suddenly exclaimed, pulling his hair out.

Goku's mantau suspended in midair an inch from his mouth. 

"What are you talking about, Gojyo, the food's delicious! There's no complain," he commented innocently.

"Maa, Goku... I don't think Gojyo means it that way." Hakkai said, lifting up his cup serenely and taking a sip.

Feeling infuriated, Gojyo abruptly got up and headed out. "Don't expect me back tonight."

"Will he be alright, Sanzo?" Hakkai asked worried.

"He couldn't die even if he wanted to." Sanzo replied.

Outside, barely ten minutes later, Gojyo found an attractive but innocent-looking woman in a bar. They both hit it off right away and spent the whole evening talking. 

Later, Gojyo walks her back to her house, which amazingly, looked very modern and out-f-place in the Saiyuki setting.  


  
When they reach the front door, Gojyo leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"  


  
"What? You're crazy!"

  
  
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

  
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..."

  
  
"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."

  
  
"I've already said No, and NO!"

  
  
"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."

  
  
"No! I've said NO!"

  
  
"My love... Don't be like that..."

  
  
At this moment, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, or I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

* * *

To the new readers I've not seen around, Welcome and hello to all of you ! ^_^ Thanks for reading and reviewing, I'm looking forward to reading all your stories too ! ^_^

And to the answer to the last joke, *cough* I think almost everyone guessed it right *cough* And to the innocent ones . I hope I'm not corrupting your minds with this newest addition ! .


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